Support for Dads

Men often grieve the loss of a pregnancy or baby in the shadows. Many cultural and societal pressures can make fathers feel like they must be strong for the mother or other family members or that he didn’t connect with the pregnancy as much as the mother did. These myths can be further perpetuated by differences in how men and women grieve.

Most fathers grieve these losses, but each person processes their emotions in a unique and personal way. Common responses to grief include sadness, anger, disbelief, frustration, and acceptance.
Physical symptoms can include sleeplessness, sleep changes, increased or decreased appetite, nausea, increased or decreased interest in sex, lack of focus, or headaches. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions you are experiencing and time to address your symptoms in a way that is right for you.
Many men feel some resentment that the mother is receiving most of the attention. Try not to feel guilty because it is normal to feel this way. Depending on the circumstances, you may also have fears about your partner’s health and safety and future fertility.

Please ask for help if you need support.

Some men find comfort in being busy during this time. There may be tasks that need to be completed, phone calls to make, or projects that feel appropriate. Fathers tend to return to work earlier than mothers, although this is not always the case. Other things that can help include talking with friends or family, attending a support group, connecting with another father who had been through a similar experience, talking to your partner, writing down your thoughts, or engaging in activities you find calming and therapeutic. Professional counselling is available and recommended if your emotions are interfering in daily activities, interfering with your relationships, are prolonged, or cause you to think about harming yourself.

Recognizing if you and your partner are grieving differently can be very helpful in understanding and supporting each other. All losses are individual and everyone grieves in their own personal way.
Additionally, grief is hard work. It takes a lot of energy. And being a spouse or partner to someone who is grieving is equally hard work. Be kind to yourselves as you both must handle these new roles.